As we get to the dirt road, with a good 20km left to our destination, my fuel light goes on. Shit! Of all things, I have forgotten to fill up. And it is miles to the nearest fuel station!
I negotiate inwardly. Shall I push on? Can we make it – there, and all the way back to the station? We are close to the middle of nowhere and I have the responsibility of carrying passengers. After all, I have never been so irresponsible to run on empty with this car, so I do not know how large the reserve tank is. I curse the car for not having a “range” meter, deflecting my internal guilt.
And yes, the irony dawns on me that I have already been irresponsible by not checking the fuel, and the car, for that matter.
“Ladies, I’m afraid we will have to turn back to fill up with fuel. I’m so sorry.” Matter-of-factly with just enough emotion in my tone to convey genuine regret, without dramatizing it.
“Oh dear”, replies the Medicine Woman. “What shall we do?”
I can’t alarm her any further.
“There is a fuel station close to where we turned off from the main road. But have a look on Google to see if there is one closer”. I try to calmly show that I know exactly what to do, as I pull over and turn the car around.
We re-trace the journey we’ve been on for the last half hour. Slowly, to conserve fuel. I hear the audible indrawing of breaths every time I lower a gear to crest a hill. (All of a sudden there are so many of them!). Google revealed nothing closer.
Like most things in life, it is actually not about what it seems to be. In this case, it is not about the fuel. A part of me knows that we will easily make it. Well, perhaps not “easily”, but we will.
It is about the inconvenience of having to drive all the way back. My inconvenience, but more so, the inconvenience of my passengers. No, let me be clear: my projected inconvenience onto them. Because I feel it, I am assuming they must. And if they feel it, I have caused it. I am in the wrong, I am unworthy, I should not be here, who am I fooling?! The familiar run-away story in my head, colourfully tainting my self-talk with the wagging finger of my internal Miss Boss.
We make it to the fuel station. Of course. And of course there is a reason for it all. I do not know the reason and frankly do not care, but I take the lessons immediately:
- Make sure you are properly prepared.
- Make sure you are prepared, to the best of your ability.
- Make sure you are prepared, as far as possible.
- If it turns out that you have forgotten some details of the preparation, don’t beat yourself up. Make a plan, and act accordingly.
- Own up.
Miss Boss falls silent. When I own up, instead of beating myself up, her wagging finger loses its point and its potency. Yes, the run-away shitty self-talk played up and caused a momentous stir. Noted, seen, and squashed with my owning up.
In the car, we all laugh, and say “There is always a reason for things to happen the way they do”.
This, dear reader, is where the rubber hits the road. Because we are so often so bloody PASSIVE, leaving all up to the “Universe”. Yes, there is always a reason, and sure, things are divinely orchestrated, they really are. But, there is this pathetic nonchalance handing out all the glory – and not realising we, you, us – WE are all part of the glory! Yet, to be part of the glory, we also have to own up, step up, and take responsibility. For what went right, AND for what can be changed for the better. That is ultimately what the Judgement card in the tarot is about – to objectively reflect and take self-responsibility to become more in alignment with our soul.
We are so scared and have been so indoctrinated away from the concept of “judging”. Of course, because, again, like so many inversions, lies, and distortions, the concept of judgement came to reside in the ego, and instead of re-flecting where we could improve our behaviour to be more in alignment with our soul’s mission, it is used to de-flect, away from our internal responsibility, towards lessening other – things, people, events – so that we could feel better ourselves.
To take back our power, we must learn to judge properly – objectively, non-attached, inwardly. These three words are huge, so read them slowly, again. We must see with clear eyes, and look. Properly.
We have been learning to accept, to be in flow, and to stop reacting. We are becoming excellent navigators.
Now we must learn to responsibly steer.
Life’s little lessons show us where and how we can become better at it.
Are you taking it and owning up, or are you leaving “all to the Universe”?
#LiveYourTruth #swakeing “selfresponsibility #owningup #judgement
About the Author:
Celeste Du Toit is a Holistic Soul Alignment Coach, dedicated to guiding you back to your truest essence. Her work focuses on archetypal imbalances and misalignments in the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual bodies. Her intuitive, body-centered pathways lead to self-discovery, balance, and clarity.
Whether online or in-person at her home studio in Westville, KZN, she creates a space for you to move beyond limitations to Live Your Truth.
If you’re ready to embrace a life of deep alignment, soulful growth, and true transformation, you’re in the right place!
Connect with me: https://celestedutoit.co.za/
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IG: @liveyourtruth_with_celeste
YT: @LiveYourTruthWithCeleste
